lancesweetsphd

He's gone.

Again.

Fucking HELL.

I can't believe I ever thought... actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm done. Done bloody thinking about it, about him. Went without him for twelve bloody years, why would I need him now?

anyway he'll come back

FUCK.

Can hardly believe it's January again.  A lot of things have changed since last year, but one big one has stayed the same.  me being alive and James being dead  I have to say, I'm not one for wishing unduly, but I honestly hope that 2010 is a bloody lot better than 2009 was.  2009 as a whole at least was better than my previous year.  Baby steps, though, yeah?

It was a good Christmas. A really, really, really, REALLY amazingly good Christmas. Possibly the best Christmas ever. There were a few moments of utter panic, but overall, just... incredible.

The babies, Gwydion and Eilonwy, are healthy and absolutely beautiful. I can't believe I'm a Godfather!

Morgana, how are you? Are you feeling alright, my lady? Do you need anything? Do the children? Please, let me know.

Private to Arthur (Because seriously Arthur would murder him if it weren't)
I still can't believe it. I can't remember the last time I felt this happy.
Have I mentioned that I love my present? I keep looking at it, and I'm still
not convinced I'm not about to wake up.

Have I mentioned that I love you? Because I really, really, REALLY do.

I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

I think this place is my birch tree, a perfect medium between earth and what comes after. Robert Frost would be jealous, I think.

New Year's is supposed to be a time of reflection, of looking back at the past. But this year, I'm much more content to focus on the future, and I like what I imagine.

It's going to be a good year.

So... did everyone have fun last night?
I know I did...

Everyone!  What was your favorite part of last night? 
(And no one had better tell me that they were sitting home alone last night, because that is LITERALLY no fun. I will invite myself over to your house, and I will make cookies. Which will be terrible, because I can't bake to save my life. So even if you have to invent it, tell me you did something fun!)

I think Operation: Midnight Kiss was my favorite part of the evening. It turned out pretty successfully, didn't it? What do you think, Neil? Is Lulu still speaking to us?

Hey, Cas. I just wanted to say merry Christmas. It seems a little funny saying that to someone like you, but I just figured... you probably miss home right now. And today probably means so much more to you than any of us could conceive.

So... merry Christmas. And thank you, for helping me realize I could enjoy the holiday again without feeling guilty or afraid or hypocritical. If this is my best Christmas ever, it is thanks in large part to you.

Forever grateful,
Neil